Of All The F*@%ing Luck
I.D.M.Morgan: So the Most Wonderful and Amazing thing happend to me today
Random offset looking kids: Really Mr. Morgan? What was it....
I.D.M.Morgan: Well today while I was at work... I was visited by an old friend I'd not seen in some time. And boy was she over joyed to see me.
Random Offset looking Kids: Really..? and what was her name....?
I.D.M.Morgan: Well kids, (said in the most pleasant of ways,) I call her a B*&%h....
No... but seriously the most rediculous of things happened to me today. And its all Karmas f*&King fault.... well mine for even thinking so stupidly but still, she didn't have to make it THAT! hand ya kno.
So on what should have been a pleasant day of work it ended up turning it into something very unforgiving. As none of you may know I work at a fairly unknown restaurant... (At least in my head, I'd only found out it existed when I ended up going there to apply.) Chipolte Mexican Grill... (Phenomenal Food By The Way...--- They pay me to say that. no.. not really but I do like the food.) and while there I was visited by Karma... the one b***h who always knows when to come and when not to come.
I'll admit... I got cocky, I figured, "Eh, I'm good enough at this not to need the gloves I mean after all, its just for Cilantro." Ohhhh how I would regret those words... Funny thing is, I KNEW for some reason I was going to regret those words and people... this is what happens when you DON'T Listen to that sixth sense, Or what ever sense that is.... probably called Common.... IDK. anyways so things are going good I'm dishing it out like Elmer... (??? thats his name right? ANYHOO) and my cuts are looking good. CHOP! CHOP! CHOP! CHOP! is the sound I hear as my blade comes down to the poor and defenseless Cilantro. CHOP! CHOP! CHOP! CHOP! I mean this stuff was looking beautiful. The sounds of the Cilantro being slices was very RELAXING... (F*&% up number 1) As things progress on I start getting faster and more into the sound of the Cilantro being diced by my blade. CHOP! CHOP! CHOP! CHOP! CHOP! CRUNCH! CRUNCH! CRUNCH! CRUNCH! CRUNCH!....PAIN!!!???? WTF!!!!!??????
I look down to see that I'd damn near cut through almost half of the tip of my thumb... My first thoughts...?
"F*&^ I CAN'T GO TO THE HOSPITAL!!! I DON'T HAVE ANY INSURANCE!!!!!"
Oh yea I was reaaalllll worried about my cut huh?
Sooooo Quickly running... (well no not really kinda leisurely walked Ha-ha-ha-haa) I go to get some paper towels to clean up my hand... My thoughts this time...?
"Damn... I should of put on the cutting gloves (Metal gloves you put on with your normal plastic gloves {which for those health nutts that may be concerned I did have on}) why the hell didn't I listen to myself the FIRST three times I said I should put it on?"
Now it was at that point that I realized while cleaning it up just how DEEP this cut was... and well It was down to about third layer skin. again my mind was like
"DAMN!! I CANT AFFORD TO GO TO THE HOSPITAL FOR THIS!!!"
(which for those wondering I still haven't gone to.)
realizing WAAYYYY to much blood was coming out I had to rethink my Strat. and my thoughts went strait to this...
"Hmmmm, I've seen enough action movies and read just enough about the body to be able to handle this myself right??? I had better be... (In a sad and pathetic voice) I need the hours"
I have to laugh at myself for this because clearly you can see my lack of concern for my situation ha-ha-ha.
So my first thoughts were..
"RAMBO!!!... Hmmm I need to stop the blood... its said that the thumb has its own heart beat (Or some SH*% like that) so there must be a greater circulation of blood to it."
Like a clasic Action Hero star I quickly made some makeshift items from the very LIMITED medical equipment from the job. Once I'd gotten up enough blood taken off form both the towels and the water I quickly took what to me... looks like a thumb condom, and ripped the thicker bottom piece off and used it to cut off the circulation to my thumb.. just as a warning cuz well. just in case ya know.
(Please do not TRY this at home... or work for that matter.)
I ended up moving to the bathroom where, with my blood circulation now cut off form my thumb, I begin to clean it once more really inspecting it this time. And man was it def deep. saw a different coloration of skin as i looked more into the juicy middle.
(By the way.. opening it up to look inside... like a stupid kid to curious for caution... Hurt like hell.. well.. kinda.)
"This sucks" I thought.... but then the worst started happening....
I'm no Doctor but I believe my body for what ever god known reason decided that for this kinda injury it should go into Shock.... My reaction
"OH HEEEELLLLLLLLL F#%KIN NO... WHO THE F((&^ GAVE YOU THAT PERMISSION!!!!!!????.... THIS IS MY BODY BI**H.. YOU HEAL, NOT SHUT DOWN!!!!"
My body was getting weak, and I started shaking, (it has started with my thumb but my guess was from the lack of blood going to it) it didn't help that I'd not eaten a damn thing except a skimp amount of Corn Flakes for breakfast and I could feel my energy fading fast... Freaky right? I know.
My first instincts were this: this is your body, the Brain is the main center control. And the douche bag running it is that d**k headed subconscious of yours who's always fighting with you about stupid s*%t and things like ignoring your responsibilities and occasionally what's MORALLY right to do. So I kneeled down for a bit.... (TO PRAY TO GOD!??? No.. lol no nothing so silly like that XD) I began talking to myself... Telling myself to relax and that it was not something major that all we need to do is heal the wound like anything else and all will be okay. And I kept repeating that to myself to make sure things got to the right offices. I kept telling myself to stay awake because we DON'T want to die. The shaking soon stopped and my next thought was...
"We need food. BUT FIRST... we finish what we were doing..."
By then the lack of circulation of blood to my thumb had eased up long enough for me to clean, place some weird but very strong freakin band-aid on and keep my ripped skin in place so that the body could heal off of what was there instead of making a whole new regenerated set. (See I do perform civil cervices.)
I cleaned up what Places I had cut myself on just to be safe. There was no blood but, hey you never know. threw it away covered my thumb with gloves and a cut glove this time and finished up... and cleaned the knife too before I did the cutting again. And where I was supposed to get out at seven I ended up staying till about ten to help out the guys... There was a fudge ton o stuff to do that just wasn't done and there was no way in hell these guys were gonna get it done before eleven without some help. overall??? Had a great time at work though. joked around with the boys. Someone got some girls number. and talked about new endeavor.
and THAT my friends... is my F$%*ing Luck....
Why becuase at the end of the day I'd finally realized...
I HAD FU^%ing CUT MY DRAWING F%^KING HAND
Comment
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Comment by I.D.M.Morgan'08' on August 31, 2010 at 1:35pm -
Ha-ha-ha-haa Yes, I suppose your right. Its not all that bad thought, If I'm correct it should reseal itself within a few weeks.
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Comment by Mandalin Paul on August 31, 2010 at 11:37am -
dude, that sucks-
Superglue, my friend, is poor man's stitches.
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